I Won't Get Upset When You Don't Answer.

when my friends call, I don’t always answer.

mid spiral. an opportunity for connection takes the shape of impossibility.

some will assume I’m busy. doing. preoccupied. producing. inherently well.

some will take it personally. stop reaching out. try again. keep checking in.

this week a friend called, I didn’t answer.

this week another friend called, I didn’t answer.

yesterday a friend called as our song played through the speakers.

mid spiral. yet still capable of seeing magic in synchronicity.

I answered.

it’s rare I’d fill anyone in on these aspects of my reality.

how something as “simple” as answering a call from a friend has taken new form. seemingly insurrmountable.

if you’re familiar with the work I do, you might even believe I’m capable of "functioning at a high level” (whatever that means) or that I’ve got all my ducks in a row (I like that better).

i’m constantly resisting the urge to label myself "not present enough” with each of you. nervous my overwhelm is perceived as disinterest.

I know when I’ve neglected my own needs, I’m hardly capable of holding the space. humbled by how many times I’ve had to learn this.

the fact that I can be suffering immensely while these sessions unfold so beautifully feels both unbearable & remarkable.

transparency is helping.

talking to a friend helped.

the moment I answered, I was told my lack of response would never be taken personally. that’s genuine kindness for both her & I.

I was told she’d keep checking in. we all need to hear that more.