Each Time She Dies

Eyes are evidence we’ve done this before.

Adaptations root beliefs.
Yield safety.
Default doubt.

My sister was 10 when she first admitted she no longer wanted to be here.

She was born a thousand times screaming without sound.

She was always crying but healing.
Catharsis.

I cannot explain how trauma time travels or how I could feel everything she felt…

Amplifying it so she knew…
not only was I with her but that even if she went further into the inevitable down moments… I’d feel that too & I’d keep feeling so she’d never be alone.

A fierce compassion like sisterhood.
Dependency.

There’s still something she’s getting out of it… until she’s no longer ready to be.

She’s been here before.
She will not be ready the second before.
SHE is ready.