24 Things I've Learned In 24 Years

I’ve been wanting to write this blog post for a really long time. I started. I didn’t finish. I finished and then didn’t publish. I have perfectionist tendencies, YES, but there’s a TON going on in our world right now and I just kept thinking that whatever I had to share wasn’t good enough because of my privilege. White middle class girl from the Midwest… I get it. So I let the draft sit in my Squarespace, floating in the internet abyss for a while, until I said fuck it. Whatever I’ve learned or am learning is going to resonate with someone out there. I’ve gained so much wisdom from my circles because they let their vulnerability show for a moment. So here I am showing up with some messy and wholehearted wisdom.

1) Don’t Exhaust Yourself From Trying To Show Up Stronger Than You Feel.

JUST SHOW UP. This ‘good vibes only’ trend is just that…trendy. It’s not real life and it most definitely doesn’t honor the human condition. People are going to see you’re human when you show up authentic. Besides, everyone loves story. WE LIVE THROUGH STORY.

You don’t have to spiritually bypass your journey by telling yourself to smile through it because that’s what people want to see. Cringe at the actions of others, dance when everyone or no one is watching, and cry until the tears are dripping down your chin. Just know that you don’t have to smile if you don’t want to. That’s just not how people actually work and that is a-okay.

2) Self-Control Feels Good.

This one is a long story that’s melted into all my actions. Learning how to say no to anything is a learned trait whether that be sex, more peachos, or that 11th hour tequila shot. So next time you’re feeling way down on yourself because you walked away from something that ultimately may or may not have been meant for you- remind yourself that self-control feels good. Make it a mantra.

3) Pretending To Have More Control Than You Actually Do Will Ultimately Drive You Insane.

If we’re tight, you probably know that I was in an extreme relationship. We lacked trust and a laundry list of other things. I tried so god damn hard to control EVERYTHING in the relationship. & BING BING, you guessed it, I went bat shit crazy.

Toxic relationships bring out the worst in anyone and everyone involved. You experience sides of yourself you never wanted to encounter but the truth is, you are only in control of your own actions + reactions. Don’t think for a split second that clinging to what you can’t control is going to change that fact.

Lastly, because I feel like I had to throw this in here…if they’re going to cheat, they’re going to cheat and if it happens you’ll meet it when it comes. I REPEAT its not in your control. Obsessing over it will get you nowhere but in your head. You should likely be asking yourself some big questions about why the person you’re with prompts these thoughts in your mind to begin with (ie trying to sleep with all your friends…its not always rocket science people).

4) Finding Home Within Yourself Will Save You Every Time.

I was once asked what home feels like. Can you visualize it? *Automatic thought bubble- anywhere with him. But the thing is, that can’t necessarily be it because what happens when he’s not there… it’s gotta be YOU because no matter what, that’s all you’ve got. If you’ve always got home within yourself, you can be anywhere and with anyone or very stinkin’ alone and you’re grounded.

5) Know The 10 Laws That You Live By.

I know you’re like yea yea I’ve got values and morals… but do you? Write ‘em down in stone because this is the kind of thing that differentiates you from your sophomore high school self when you didn’t have a clue what you stood for. Prove that you’ve learned from the life you’ve lived by actually living by your own set of laws that you establish for yourself based on your own wisdom (deep breath, exhale).

Add and subtract as you go.

Also, go listen to East Forest’s song 10 Laws song. It’ll make you swoon and also makes some really valid points. Here’s a link.

6) Make Yourself Available To Receive Love.

The man I fell in love with is very even keel like my Grandfather. If we characterized our emotions like an amusement park, he would be that cute little train that carts children around in endless circles. The one parents like to go on with their kiddos because they won’t get motion sickness. Me? Well I’m the crazy empath that’s an up and down roller coaster that also goes upside down at 90mph. Its likely that there was vomiting and massive headaches were experienced when walking off the ramp to see the less than delightful photo opp.

Needless to say, we compliment each other well. He reminds me when I’m letting my emotions take control and I remind him that he can show his more often. That’s how we work to be in a place where we are able to receive love from one another.

We’re not all wired the same. So ask yourself… how do you let love in? How do you let love out? If you haven’t already, figure out your love language. Turns our there is a science to the fact that I adore gift giving while simultaneously hate the idea of receiving gifts.

7) Live Life As A Ceremony Because Life Is Not Inherently Meaningful; You Create Meaning With Your Intentions.

Pray for softness in a world that asks you to harden. This energy is not going to slow you down. Its subtle nature will become magnetic. You do not need to speed up the unfolding of your life. I have to remind myself of this a lot lately; thinking at age 24 that my life is supposed to look like more than this by now. Taking the time to live life as a ceremony is going to get you where you’re meant to be at exactly the right time. If you find yourself doubting divine timing, slow down and see what happens. I dare ya.

8) You Gotta Know How Your Heartbreaks Have Helped You Find Your Tribe.

My heart was broken. I was riding in the bed of a truck in Flagstaff, AZ and I just knew that I had pissed off my ex over something silly. Across from me, my friend could tell what was going on even though I had said nothing. She looked me directly in the eyes and told me that I was strong and I was resilient. It was probably the first time I had felt understood by someone since the entire relationship had gone sour. It sounds so simple, but this moment was so much for me because being understood, seen, and heard all at the same time feels like magic. It’s what deep relationships are all about and there’s nothing else in this world that truly feels as good as that did in that moment.

Let your story be your story because no one’s really reading it anyway (*cue in the Tubby Love…if you don’t get that right now, that’s okay but you should definitely look up his music)

If there’s parts of your story you don’t like, rewrite the script. There were times when I wanted to erase every part of my story that involved my relationship with my ex, but now I remember the heartbreak and I remember everything that came after it. The friends that saw me at my worst and showed up for me always. How I learned how to love and what I deserve in a partner. I learned how our heartbreaks help us find our tribe. I’m no longer disassociating from that time in my life. I’m looking back with the lens I CHOOSE and that story is filled with post traumatic growth.

9) Allow Your Body To Actually Be Your Body.

I say this in every yoga class that I teach because I’m not kidding you when I say, I went through most of my teenage/young adult years rioting against my own body. It’s as if it wasn’t until I reached perfection with an outer image that I would officially claim my body as my own. What I was striving for is utterly impossible so if I didn’t change my mindset, I was going to spend my entire life disassociating from myself. I made the decision one day that that wasn’t going to be okay with me.

Close the door to learning to love yourself and actually start loving yourself- Lizzo taught me this.

So the next time you meditate or even just sit still for a moment, let your body really be your own. Make it a daily practice and see what happens.

10) Non-Judgement

I have a friend. Let’s just say her name is Rachel. Rachel’s part hair stylist, part therapist because anyone who’s religious about their hair dresser knows that they know more than they should about your life, unpaid bills, and family traumas. Rachel’s husband died by suicide and she’s pretty open about it because MENTAL HEALTH IS A REAL ISSUE THAT SHOULDN’T BE HUSHED (imagine me shouting from a rooftop right now). I’ve taken away so much from her story, a lot of us have. One of the trillions of things that she’s taught me is non-judgement. So here’s the story…

Rachel’s in the check out line at Target with her son, Joe, sitting in the cart. He’s playing with her phone or ipad or whatever and this lady in lines decides to give Rachel the most grotesque look. Her husband and Joe’s father died maybe a week or so before. And I can’t really put Rachel’s current state into words without discrediting what it probably feels like to lose your partner, but its really not the time for dirty and disapproving looks from strangers for our children’s use of screen time.

And that’s it. That’s all that happened. It’s this prime example of how much you do not know about another person’s current situation. So the next time you catch yourself judging some mom for allowing her kid to look at a screen or whatever the hell it is you think is worth judging someone for; please remind yourself that you do not know their story AT ALL. Maybe the kids Dad just died by suicide and Mom hasn’t slept a wink since and she goes to Target and Walmart just to feel okay and get herself in public.

Situations like this happen far too often. You don’t know shit about the traumas people have faced when you enter a room. So for the love of God, ditch your judgement.

11) Be Unattached.

Some people can leave the house with their wallet, phone, and keys. I’m over here packing a bag for the apocalypse; equipped with an essential oil for any nuance I might encounter. My purse is quite literally a back pack. I nest everywhere and always have snacks, napkins, and eye glass cleaner as well.

I could go on and on which only proves my point.

It’s smart but its also a little unhealthy. I’m learning to get by with less. Starting with my back pack purse and ending with the laundry list of things I think I ‘NEED’ because I don’t really ‘need’ that cute space back pack for my kitten or matching hangers in my closet.

Think Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs + Essential Oils and you’re all set.

Picturing this may be counter to my argument, but really do I need this?

12) Non-Stealing

I’ve touched on this before in previous blogs and I mention it in my yoga classes often but I’m going to write about it again here. I’m not talking about stealing literally like stealing a doll from your day care lady. Yes, I did that. But what I’m talking about is the moments that we steal away from ourselves. Maybe because the moment didn’t live up to our expectations (quite possibly because our expectations are far too high) or maybe because we are too busy thinking about the next episode of Real Housewives we can watch on Bravo TV. Whatever the reason is, it hurts us more than we can probably comprehend. I have stacks and stacks of moments I’ve let slip away from myself because I allowed my head to be somewhere else. I suppose what I’m loosely talking about is mindfulness, but I think its easier to view through this lens of tucking away precious moments. This is all while we think of something else that’s most definitely far less important than whatever is happening in the present moment. Be mindful. Don’t steal precious moments away from yourself. Moments tucked away can’t just be pulled back out when they are needed most like a Kleenex or TicTacs. They just become moments of mindlessness where we choose to not be fully alive.

13) Engage In Relentless Self-Study.

When I took my first yoga teacher training, I remember a women named Starla told me that she was so grateful I had made the decision to do my training because so many of us don’t engage in relentless self-study at my age or maybe ever in their lives. We are so accustomed to ‘finding ourselves’ through external outlets and material things or maybe its the identities we cling to that leave us stuck filling old shoes with outdated expectations.

LEVEL UP: Who are you when all of these labels fall away? Who are you at the core of your being?

Disassociating from the self will lead you down a lot of roads you were never intended to go on and although many people would argue that everything happens for a reason… I’m going to argue that a lot of things happen because we allow them to.

Engage in self-study in whatever way you know how and start now.

14) Routine

I manage a gym in a gated community. It’s filled with the uber wealthy which used to make me cringe until I really started to get to know some of the lives these people have lived. It’s probably not very cool of me to pick favorites, but I totally have a favorite resident. He used to build ships and submarines which I find utterly fascinating. When I first started the job, he asked me how I was liking it and because we weren’t super tight yet I gave him a pretty generic answer along the lines of how I’m finally settling in and getting into the routine of things. He smiled at me and said ‘You know what they say about routine? Stay in the same place too long and the sniper is going to get you.”

He walked away to do the swim workout he does absolutely everyday at the same time *cue the irony but what he said stuck with me and that’s why I utterly adore him. I also adore him because he gifts me with wine from his wife who writes coffee table books about winery families in Italy which is also so so fascinating. Who knew wine could taste so much better when you know all about the family who made it.

Back to my point…

Routine is good for us. Its especially settling for those of us who experience anxious feelings ie ME. I don’t want to discourage you from having a solid routine but I caution that you should be extremely mindful of when its becoming detrimental to your growth. Stay in the same place too long and the snipers going to get you simply translates to DON’T GET STUCK! Analyze your routine often but also think of your ‘routine’ through the lens of habit. So often we think of routine as what we deliberately choose, but its also the stuff that may be happening on an unconscious level. For example, I’d like to think of my morning routine with the affirmations I listen to and the smoothies I drink but my routine/habit is also my reactive response to stressors throughout my day, my inability to welcome financial abundance into my life, as well as the butterfingers I like to eat at work when I don’t pack enough lunch.

I suppose what I’m truly encouraging here is an ever changing routine which isn’t really a routine at all. If someone can think of a word for this concept that’d be awesome. Seriously though, let me know in the comments.

15) Try Out Some Yoga- Yes, I know I’m Biased.

I can’t wholeheartedly make the argument that yoga is for everyone considering the social structure surrounding yoga in the west; BUT I could make a pretty solid argument if the system was dismantled, less capitalized, and yoga was being taught for every body that MOST would experience an abundance of benefits. I could sit on my soap box and list all of these benefits but it’s likely you’ve already heard them and it would be monotonous. So here’s a story and a benefit you’ve probably never considered and hopefully leaves you feeling like you definitely gotta hop on your mat today or in the near near future or you might wait until you’ve completely hit rock bottom and think ‘damn, Paige told me I should try yoga.’

So here’s the story…

Sam is one of my best friends from college. I was in her wedding, she’ll be in mine kind of thing. She married Alec. He’s soft spoken and driven and as the friend that will always introduce their friendship with the headline of ‘I WAS IN HER WEDDING’, I can genuinely say that I approve of Alec even if my approval was never needed. Alec flies planes and when he started his initial training he was getting sick during his flights and vomiting. The Air Force Academy is pretty outright that they don’t like dealing with attendants that up chuck. In fact, if you get sick too many times in training they literally send you to a different station to train the heck outta you so that doesn’t happen again because I don’t think there’s a single person on the planet earth that handles vomit with ease… gross, sorry.

So get this! They train by having them do somersaults forwards and backwards and then log rolling left to right. Sounds like a total shit show and also a video that could go viral under the right circumstances. Turns out that sick feeling comes from the fluid in your ear becoming stagnant over the years, but is then prompted to move around during flight making you queasy.

Ever wonder why kiddos don’t get sick on rides? Well its because they PLAY! They roll around. The fluid inside their ears is being moved and its not until we are adults that we stop playing and that interstitial fluid becomes stagnant. I know at this point you’re like what the hell Paige how does this connect? But it totally does (its also likely that I can connect everything back to yoga…try me.)

In yoga, we invert the body, we bring the head above the heart and we play! This gets all the juices in the body flowing so that you can ride roller coasters again like you were 12 and fly air planes which you’ve likely never done but could! If neither of those were on your radar, I’ll throw in the shameless plug that yoga makes your booty tight too.

16) Abundance Mindset Versus Scarcity Mindset

This is a concept I learned from Brene Brown- watch her Ted Talks. If you want to pause on reading this blog post just to watch it, I wouldn’t even be upset as long as you jump back to finish reading what I’m about to dump into your brain. Here’s a link…

A ton of us wake up thinking with a scarcity mindset; an overwhelming sense of lack hovering over … well just about everything some days.

Not enough sleep. Not enough time in the day. Not enough money to pay the bills.

I get it. I still wake up to my day with these thoughts #1 because I really should sleep more, be more wise about my time, and have an emergency fund #2 because mindset change takes a shit ton of work to conquer and I’ll warn you from the start that THE WORK IS NEVER DONE. Awareness is the first step from scarcity to abundance.

A scarcity mindset is easy and an abundance mindset can be easy too, but its the one that takes work, intention, and ultimately demands that you rewire your brain. Which low and behold can be done people- you can rewire your own brain. Every thought you think shoots through neurological pathways in the brain. These pathways are likes muscles, the more you use and reinforce them, the stronger they become.

So take a moment here to consider which kinds of pathways you’re reinforcing in your mind. When you think a bad thought, you’re literally telling your brain that that is okay with you… UM HELL NO. Take inventory of your thoughts. When you think a thought you don’t like boot it.

I wrote a poem on this concept. It’s called Rewired. Here’s a link.

17) Non-Harming.

When a person tell you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t. All of these lessons have had lengthy explanations, but I know this one speaks for itself so I’ll leave it so you can live it.

18) You’ve probably heard this quote before but I’m gunna throw it at you again- Remember That People Are The Least Lovable When They Need Love The Most.

So simple yet so difficult to choke down and remember when its actually relevant because we’re human and we have emotions and those emotions go both ways and in all different directions. So here’s your solid reminder that I hope comes back to you in the moments its needed most. I’m open to receiving thank you letters from your significant others and family when they receive the love they deserve because you may have learned something from this blog post about ditching your ego and showing up when it matters most.

19) Create Mantras. Enough Said.

Ancient tradition says you are not supposed to share your mantra out loud…I’m positive the internet counts too, possibly even worse juju if its shared in a squarespace blog post, but here it goes! I’m going to be naughty and clue you in on some I use often to spark some inspo.

“I trust myself to hold myself accountable.”

“I do enough. I have enough. I am enough.” *This is a good one if you are struggling to grasp an abundance mindset.

”Sky above me. Earth below me. Fire within me.” I have a love/hate relationship with this one because it references all the elements besides air but it’s been with me for a while so I let it slide and take a deep inhale instead.

20) If You Think Of Someone And You’re Like ‘I Really Need To Reach Out To That Person’. Do It Right Then.

If you can manage, don’t wait. Weird synchronicities lead me to believe this is far more important than we realize. For the record, dreams and itches that feel significant count too. I’m sure interesting stories will arise from this one, please share when they do.

21) Would You Die Happy If You Died Right Now?

I met a woman in my yoga teacher training that was dead ass serious about this. After fighting breast cancer like a fucking warrior, she went back and reevaluated everything and made a lot of stuff right again. Don’t wait another day to make shit right that can be made right.

22) Think Good Thoughts.

I was seriously hesitant about posting this one. I rewrote it three times with different explanations of the same lesson learned because its a hard truth to admit that I came to ugly tears one day at the thought of someone being able to read into my mind on the hard days. The days when I’m more than mean and cruel to myself with my words, my thoughts, and my actions. No one really wants to share or explain that they cried so hard at the thought of someone else truly knowing how cruel they were to themselves with their thoughts.

But I want to tell you about the time I considered that idea. The idea of someone else being able to crawl in and see in on what was really going on when I hit a low low. It was a day I hit rock bottom. I curled into a fetal position and I bawled.

I think back on that moment and consider the scenario when someone prompts you to consider what you’d say to a friend in a crappy situation, then totally flips it around and asks you to instead consider what you’d say to yourself in the same situation. How can we be so kind to others and not hold the same regard for ourselves? Why is that so hard for us to grasp?

Its downright painful to take a magnifying glass to why we allow our response to change so much in regards to how we speak to others and how we choose to speak to ourselves. Don’t be like me and wait until you’re in a fetal position crying over your self talk to decide it’s not okay to be speaking to yourself in hateful ways. And even though no one is going to crawl into your head and know, you want your head to be a safe place because there’s going to be times in your life when the world isn’t and that’s all you’ve got. Think good thoughts.

23) “If we carry intergenerational trauma (and we do) then we also carry intergenerational wisdom. It’s in our genes and in our DNA.” -Kazu Haga

We all carry heavy loads of trauma and wisdom in our DNA from seven generations prior and we hand it out to the next seven generations like kiwanis peanuts. Meaning if we keep avoiding the work, we’re just going to keep on passing it down the ladder for repeated cycles of suffering. So even if you didn’t sign up for addiction struggles, abandonment trauma, or severely insecure attachment styles; they have still been served to you on a less than shiny silver platter.

I’m not positive who said it, but they said it just right.

“It’s not your fault but it’s your turn.”

Do the work, if not for yourself, for the next seven generations. Sometimes we need something outside of ourselves to make the pivot.

24) Crimes Against Intuition

I recently attended a yoga teacher training with SHErecovers on Salt Spring Island in Canada (side note: you should book your next vacation here but don’t order the fried oysters, even if you’re eating right on the pier). I learned a trauma informed approach to yoga and my mind was absolutely blown at every lesson- I hadn’t a clue how much my past instruction could have been triggering to all sorts of trauma that walked into the classroom. I was given all the juicy knowledge a teacher needs to provide healing for those in detox centers, women’s shelters, and treatment centers. There was a huge emphasis on language to limit triggers so the healing can begin through connecting to the body and the breath.

One of the Ayurvedic concepts we discussed in training was prajnaparada which is crimes against intuition. Before I continue. LET THAT SINK IN.

How many times have you done something you know you shouldn’t? How many times has that come to bite you like a kick in the gut? We all have our vices and some are more harmful than others, but I encourage you to challenge yourself here. Tune into your intuition more often. This takes practice and I am no expert, but I can’t help but see how monumental this shift in consciousness can be for us.

I have so much unlearning to do after my teacher training. I’m completely shape shifting the way in which I teach. & although I learned more than I feel I can even express through one blog post, this simple lesson of intuition is one that will be glazing over every class I have yet to teach in this lifetime. If it feels right, its going to flow and if something tells me no in my gut well its just not happening.